tap tap. Is this thing on?

Looks like the last post was in January. Like every year, plenty has happened.  Iolani has grown into preteen world.  Alex and I realized that we've been together for over 15 years, seems like a bat of an eye.  

There's been a lot of hiking, camping, and a new venture....RVing.  I didn't think I'd be the RVing kind of person.  But, as I get older (and creakier) and do more camping with the girl scout troop, RVing seems like a huge luxury.  So, we tried it...loved it.  

The part of RVing that I love the most?  Done right, the moment you are off work, you are done!  You toss the city to the side (or rather, leave behind in your mirror) and you are done.  At the campground.  

Work has been busy, as it should.  There's been plenty of small transitions, new programs, new ways to manage a moment, and everyone's tossing what they can against the wall to see what sticks. I feel like we are making significant headway towards managing the message, rather than trying to manage a moment.  There's no part of me that's not optimistic that we are working together to the same thing.

Outside of work, it's been a huge year of up-ups, and down-downs.  The up, is the arrival of Pastor Mandy (!!!), which embodies a significant expenditure on my part.  I didn't realize it until her arrival, but the moment she arrived, I was able to exhale.  

And then, Grandpa Bob passed away.  Alex Milton Chi passed away.  Others have passed away.  I've been preparing for Grandpa Bob's passage, but then once it happened, I found myself not prepared, and rocked beyond belief.  And, I've found myself grieving in a way that has caused me to just hide.  It takes a lot to get me out of the house, around people, even to the grocery store.  I'm still trying every day, and I'm pretty sure outside of this blog post, only Alex sees what this has done, and how I'm struggling to get my center back.

But, I'm fighting to get there.  And, I feel like I have a world of supporters at every turn.

My growth this year can be described as the first year I've felt like others around me can "handle it". It sounds condescending, and as if I didn't think the world around me could withstand what I've been going through in my head and heart.  And, here I am. It's easy to say and hear "Let me know what I can do to help" or "what can I do to help", and I'm at the point where I trust every bit of humanity around me to be able to do this.  And, I am so thankful, grateful, and warmed in my heart - that I believe it.