He said: "You know, you need a swift kick in the pants...but I don't know what would help more, a kick in the front or a kick in the back." He folded his big flip phone closed (I told you he was very old), tucked the phone into his jacket, got up and walked away....with a cane.
I would never ever kick anyone in the pants, but when I get frustrated...I take a moment to think if a kick to the front or back would be helpful in this particular situation. Most days, a figurative kick in the butt is all that is needed to make a decision. Then, we do have the rare days - when the extra painful kick in the front is there to remind us that 1) we are human, 2) decisions can be painful, 3) avoid a kick to the front at any cost.
But again - do not every kick anyone. Ever.