Can I borrow your OCD?

I’m about to describe something that might be considered offensive.  Not like blood and guts offensive, and maybe “insensitive” offensive.
I need someone who truly has that “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” - aka OCD.  I need someone who’s gone to the doctor and the doctor says to them - “why, it’s just’s a prescription”.  I need someone who has been told by their doctor to avoid stressful situations that would trigger an OCD episode.
Why?  Because my house is an unmitigatable unorganized disaster.  (Just a side note - the dictionary says that “unmitigatable” isn’t a word.  Welcome to my world.)
The situation just happened. Our last move was a pretty fast move.  For all intents and purposes we packed and unpacked in about three days. Iolani’s room has four small buckets of separated puzzles, train tracks, legos, and other bits and pieces of sets of things.  Her closet has a little bit of her clothes, but it also unfortunately serves as the catch-all.  Our bedroom is a hot mess.  
But the worst of it is the kitchen.  I had some vague idea of what I wanted the kitchen to look like, and then came the reality of Monday morning.  Iolani’s foods are down low.  Alex’s foods are up high.  Everything is everywhere else.  I open a drawer and there’s parts of a sippy cup that we haven’t used in a year and I don’t even have all the pieces for it.  Storage containers are housed in almost every part of the kitchen...and yet I struggle to find a matching set.
I know where the coffee’s at.  There’s like an unspoken cosmic law that I always know where the coffee’s at.  The coffeemaker on the other hand...sigh.  Who cares - you all know I’ll chew the grounds.
I would love to have my kitchen organized.  However, I lack the luxury of uninterrupted time to organize the damn thing.  I am willing to give up my coffee budget for a month ($75 believe it or not) if there’s an OCD person who would like to benefit from their affliction.  $75 bucks is all yours if you can organize my kitchen.  I feel that if you truly have OCD you will be able to effectively, efficiently, and accurately organize my kitchen. 
Some ground rules:
You’ll need three people who can vouch for your level of “OCD”ism. Even better if I know you or one of your references already.  (And meeting at a transit meeting doesn’t count)(Sorry!)
You are only organizing the kitchen.  Anything outside of the kitchen is totally off limits  
You’ll have three hours to accomplish this feat. (not including the necessary 2 or 3 minute breaks)
If you finish before the end of 3 hours  and we agree that the kitchen has been satisfactory organized - it’s still $75 in your pocket.
You’ll have a box to place items that are for redistribution - you’ll leave that behind.  So like storage containers that lack a lid, the hand mixer I don’t use, sippy cups missing pieces...can all move on to their next life.
I am not going to stand over your shoulder and provide any direction.  I likely will be on the phone, working on email, or just popping in and out of the apartment. But, if we agree that you can do this - I will have placed my faith in you that you know what a good kitchen is supposed to look like.
Finally - no cleaning. My kitchen is clean, not like “clean but dirty”, but like clean and unorganized.  We have a preschooler who brings home every cold, flu, bug, and whatever - so we wipe things down on a regular basis.  The dishwasher is run all the time.  The garbage and recycling don’t sit in the house.  Our composter is well fed and smells like that pretty lady in front of you at the coffeeshop.  So - keep your OCD hands off the sponge and spray bottle and get to organizing those spices.
If this sounds like something you’d want to do, or your OCD roommate is driving you know how to find me.  Again - I only want to take advantage of someone’s “misfortune” of OCD.  But how can getting $75 be considered a misfortune?


MattLaw said...

You do not need somebody with OCD you need somebody that is a professional cook/chef in a resturant. There are orders to where things go in a kitchen.

Finding someone with high level of OCD means that you will have labels on your stuff and taped outlines of where they go when they are done ... aka body outlines by the coroners office.

Good luck

Ginny Brideau said...

Outlines! So like one could tell where the bottle goes back to? "this cutting board is for meat, and this one is for veggies" Maybe I need a chef with OCD?

MattLaw said...

The cutting boards do not need to be labeled what they are for. Despite what marketing wants to tell you, any cutting board can be used for any product. Just wash it ... sheesh. If you really want to be safe use a bleach water spray on the boards after you wash them.

Unless you want to actually go buy different colored cutting boards red for red meat, yellow for chicken, blue for fish, green for veggies.

It sounds like you need to pay for a baby sitter that you can send your little girl to so you can do it to your liking. That way you can put it where you want to.

MattLaw said...

Katherine said...

i'll do it for free- i have a high level of OCD arranging-things-in-other-people's-homes. General Jeff knows (and i believe can vouch for me-he speaks highly of you BTW) me and i have references for my level of OCD arranging upon request. Sat. late afternoon?