I am "That Mom"

As I was busy reviewing all the beautiful Christmas trees, holiday lights, happy family photos, and other cheesy festive activities, I was reminded that I typically fail in keeping up with the great American season of glutton.  I'm don't mean to knock the sentimentality of it all, just pointing out my absolute disregard and under appreciation for the efforts that so many of you take on from mid-October to Superbowl.

However, I love to do these "end of year" lists.  So, in the spirit of wrapping up the year, I've developed a bullet list that summarizes the accomplishments of this year...

Introducing: "I am "THAT MOM" who...

  • lives off some sort of "i" device
  • is thankfully employed, with health and dental insurance
  • has no regrets that I provide an "i" device to our child at the restaurant, on the potty chair, or when the Real Housewives of Brentwood and Thousand Oaks is on
  • wonders why the child asked me if she could cut this, climb up there, or something when she knows I'm going to say no
  • forgets to sign up for the parent/teacher conference, but we talk all the time so...
  • tears up when the child freaks out at school on Monday morning because the child feels like she's being abandoned
  • has a husband who is so awesome at trip planning, that I know he missed his calling as a travel agent
  • used to live on the "Your emergency isn't my emergency" mantra, however now it is "My emergency is about to become your emergency, so...um ya...it's like that"
  • feels no guilt come Monday morning and the child is not only happy to see you walk away, but that I feel giddy as I head to the car to work
  • makes all her phone calls in the car
  • is proud of her daughter for proclaiming that she's "Healthy Strong"
  • will call your movie or commercial making ass out if you so much as unhitch that generator under our window
  • leaves clothes all over the house, knowing my dear husband will pick up after me
  • considers an empty office the ultimate in "me time"
  • lets her kid go out "In that?!!?"
  • wonders about the credit card bill, but never manages to pick up the mail
  • is willing to be held hostage in a bathroom...only if it is at Nordstroms
  • lets the child do anything she wants, even though I might have said no three times
  • is annoyed when there's that guy in line at Starbucks who doesn't know what he wants to order (Seriously, they haven't changed the menu)
  • tries to remember: This isn't a competition, but is proud to see her daughter running around in panties, and that other kid still in diapers
  • is thankful her daughter doesn't like to hide poop
  • knows when there's a new episode of Yo Gabba Gabba and the next release date for a transit publication
  • can interpret what the child said when no one else can AND you don't want to repeat what she said...because she called the old lady at famima "Fat"
  • screams FUCK!!!! when husband and child try to carry on two or three conversations with me
  • makes dinner, calls the tribe to the table and is annoyed that it takes 15 additional minutes for them to get their butts in the chair
  • packs for a vacation the weekend before the big trip for three people but scrambles every morning trying to figure out what to wear to work
  • feels a tiny bit of guilt when I say "Daddy is going eat your food if you don't get back to the table"
  • forgets about signing up for the school potluck, but always willing to STS with the teachers
  • tweets incessantly about silly things that happen through the day, but can't be bothered with a blog entry
  • still has 2T clothes in the drawers that "kind of fit" because the daughter loves to wear them everyday
  • has an amazing group of people around her that helps to quell my insecurities about being a full-time employee, Mommy, and Wife

I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone for such a wonderful year.  2012, looks to be an even busier year....  Although I heard that it is end times.  Oh man...better go get a new purse.

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