Acknowledge and keep moving

Yes - it's here again.  Three days from now would have been my mother's 60th birthday.  Since 1995 we've had to say "she would have been...".  I have a busy week, the kind where I really can't deal with a day of "she would have been" or wonder what would she look like at this age.  I don't ever wonder what she would sound like, or what would she say - after she became "her" again, she was very predictably unpredictable.

Here's what I can say about mom turning 60...even though she was a life-long smoker, liked her boxed wine...she likely wouldn't have looked a day over 40.  She liked her hair color, her makeup, her moisturizer...I'm pretty sure the woman just wouldn't age.

I don't ever remember doing anything special outside of a birthday cake and spaghetti for dinner on her birthday. I do remember her annual reminder that she was pregnant...very pregnant on her 24th birthday, as I was born just a couple of days later.

Funny thing is that I was very pregnant with Iolani on my 32nd birthday.  I remember that miserable feeling of being fat, not fitting into pajamas, only wanting to eat drum stick ice creams.  And then a month later there was Iolani. I didn't really ever think about that until now.

So of course - now I've all teared up.  :-)

Needless to say - I miss my mom, even though we had this tumultuous relationship.  Someone once told me when I was not speaking to her that I'd regret the day I told my mom to go away.  I no longer regret the feeling, but it is a good reminder to take life just serious enough to pay attention to utility bills that come in colored envelopes.

Gotta go...Iolani wants her pink toothbrush to brush her Barbie's hair.